Welcome Home July 2022 Rite of Return Initiates

In Loving Memory of Adam Rauma and Jason Michael Dobrusin, as well as all of our brothers and sisters that never came home or never fully landed, their families and loved ones.

Chris, Carrie, Teri, Trevor, Samantha, Taylor, and Carol,

You courageously journeyed to the depths of the wilderness within to lay down what no longer serves by root and branch.

Crossed the threshold courageously to reclaim your truth, your wisdom, your gifts.

To bring your True Self back to the people.

So our community can be made whole through your Rite of Return.

Strong as an O.A.K.

Thank you for your courage, your scars, your service, and wild joy.

WELCOME HOME with LOVE and HONOR

With a deep bow of gratitude we thank…

Our mentor and VR Co-Founder Larry Hobbs and Susan Hobbs

VR Co-Founder Mark Oravsky and Amanda Oravsky

VR Board Chair, Witness, Photographer John Crary and Barbara Whiteside Crary

VR Rite of Passage Guide and Witness Mitchell Brookman and Kristi Brookman

Trebbe Johnson and her Radical Joy for Hard Times

Stellar Basecamp Assistants Semba and Nicholas Mojan (with sidekick Cara)

The VR Welcome Committee Dan Medoff and VR Rite of Passage Guide Jessica Goree

Field Queen Kristina Brown for all her intense work in preparing this ceremony for the land

The Marie Bed & Breakfast in Olympia, WA

The entire lineage and spirit of the Wilderness Guides Council

The WA State Department of Natural Resources and the Kittitas Valley Fire Department

Wild Cove Farm

The entire VR board (Paul and Sara!), community of initiates, friends, vets, partners, and DONORS!

With reverence we acknowledge we have the privilege to gather and heal on unceeded ancestral lands of the Psch-wan-wap-pams (stony ground people), also known as the Kittitas band of the Yakama or Upper Yakama, whose people, spirits, and stories are still living and thriving today.

The beauty of her Black skin - Army Veteran Valerie Lewis

Valerie Ellen Lewis is an OEF/OIF Army Combat Veteran. She claimed her True Identity, Purpose, and Belonging at the June 2021 Rite of Return. She is actively involved in Veteran Rites and is barefoot on the earth sharing her deep wisdom, resilience, and gifts with the world.

Distant Woman

Who is the woman that can be seen far in the distance
Can I run and catch her to ask the burning questions in my soul
I want her confidence in the beauty of her Black skin
Ask her how did she develop such an adventurous and relentless spirit
Ask her how did she discover and walk in her God-given purpose
I am determined to catch her to get her insight and advice
As I am finally close enough to tap her shoulder
She stops as if she can sense my presence behind her
As this distant woman turns to face me, I see that she is me

- Valerie Lewis

What do you see upon meeting me?

Do you see a black woman or just a woman with grace and her own style?

Do you see the story that dwells in my eyes?

It may seem to have more downs than ups but don’t be fooled.

This woman, me, Valerie Ellen Lewis, have used those downs as fuel in my journey to fulfilling greatness and embodying my ancestors’ greatest dreams.

I am the second-born child of Ernest and Modester Lewis, Sr.

As a child, I was molested by two male cousins but did not let that dampen my fire.

I became an introvert that would achieve excel both academically and athletically.

I used that energy to also be a leader throughout my k-12 years where I would serve fervently in many clubs and became class president as both a freshman and senior setting the groundwork for me to be a leader among my peers.

While working on my first degree, I assisted in the establishment of a new club and would serve as its inaugural president. That club was the Georgia Southern University Exercise Science Majors club.

After earning my first bachelor's degree and working to earn my first graduate degree, I joined the U.S. Army where I served proudly on active duty for four years completing two combat deployments to Afghanistan and Iraq respectively.

During that time, I would continue to build my leadership skills and increase my courage level. I would be raped by a brother in arms while home on leave from my second combat deployment.

I would continue my military service for another four years in the Georgia Army National Guard where I would continue to be a leader and serve honorably as a Preventive Medicine technician and Combat Medic.

Although I would excel during my military service, it would lead me into a temporary downward spiral that come to an end via a trip to the land that reinvigorate me to continue my journey to greatness

Although hiccups would arise on this reestablished journey, I would earn a second bachelor’s degree, a master’s degree, and be featured in the February 2022 issue of National Geographic magazine with my family.

This journey would lead me to write a book of poetry and begin working to earn my doctorate in physical therapy.

On January 19th, 2022, my world came to a screeching halt as God called my father, Ernest A. Lewis, Sr., to his heavenly home.

So, now I continue on my journey not just to fulfill my destiny but to honor my dad and fulfill my promise to him.

Sister Melissa Kelsey, Valerie Lewis, Father Earnest A. Lewis, Mother Modester Lewis, Sister Vanessa Williams

Father Ernest. A. Lewis Sr., Valerie, and Mother Modester Lewis

Initiates Crystal Dandridge and Valerie Lewis, 2021 Rite of Return

Who am I without the uniform? Welcome Home

Veterans Journey Home: Leaving it on the Land by Warrior Films

Veteran Rites invites you to step off on a journey as old as humanity itself. From Co-Founder and Army Combat Veteran Mark Oravsky…

Upon leaving military service, many of us are caught at a threshold, no longer a Service Member and yet not a Civilian. We are unable to fully “return”, or reintegrate into our communities. The lack of shared experience separating “us” and “them”, stands as a seemingly insurmountable abyss. This chasm between the close bonds and brotherhood we experienced as soldiers and the lonely alienation we experience as civilians can feel impossibly wide. We know the statistics.

We feel it in our bones and many of us have walked the cliff edge between suicide and one more day. For centuries, civilizations and communities across the globe have utilized ceremonial rites of passage to welcome returning warriors home from battle. In most cases, elders who had been to war met combatants outside the village. They understood that to re-enter the village too soon, without a proper rite of return or cleansing ceremony could be harmful to both the warrior and the community.

These elders also understood that once cleansed from battle or service, each warrior carries insight and wisdom from their experiences which are invaluable to the long term survival and sustainability of their community.

Fellow Veterans, it is time to reclaim our Whole Selves. The Warrior,The Veteran, and the member of community.

It is time to re-establish who we are in this world after military service. The Veterans Rite of Return serves as an initiation for veterans who are looking for a way to reconnect with themselves, their place in the world and in their communities.

The roots of the Rite of Return are pan-cultural, and offer a model of human development that acknowledges the changes and transitions inherent in being alive. It marks an individual's passage from one stage of their life to the next.

Learning to Fly After MST, USAF Veteran Felicia Dihel

Our Veterans Rite of Return is a guided ceremony that is not based in any religion or dogma. It relies on each individual’s background, creativity, culture, and unique perspective to "self-generate" a ceremony that is meaningful for their life circumstance and a successful return home.

The ceremony is held in a wilderness setting with trained veteran and non-veteran guides. Participants experience time in community with other vets, four days of solo time, fasting in the wilderness, and a marked return where their stories are shared and witnessed in a“council of elders”. This return marks the beginning of a veteran’s process of incorporating that which they have gained and learned during their time in service and explored in the context of time alone in the wilderness, so they may bring their gifts home, able to participate more fully, in service of their families and their community.

War Mode to Wholeness, OIF Veteran Mitchell Brookman

The Veterans Rite of Return is a unique opportunity for the military family seeking long term solutions to PTS, Moral Injury, Military Sexual Trauma, Compassion Fatigue, and Suicidal Ideation.

Answer the call for deep healing in the wilderness, separated from society, in solidarity and solitude, to cross the line to your true self.

Eligibility

The Rite of Return is available to Current and Prior Military Service Members, Spouses, Partners, Gold Star (18+), and Dependent Survivors of Veteran Suicide. Veteran Rites will work with every warrior called to the land to fully prepare physically, mentally, and spiritually for their Rite of Return journey and address unique barriers and conditions that may prevent participation.

COVID-19

Veteran Rites has adopted enhanced safety protocols and practices to prevent and mitigate transmission of the coronavirus among participants, our loved ones, and communities before, during, and after the ceremony.

CLAIM YOUR SEAT AND STEP INTO A NEW STORY

Rite of Return Ceremonies are limited to 8 participants from the military family. Cross the line and claim your seat!

Set your intention by signing up in one of the three ceremonies in 2022.

WELCOME HOME WITH LOVE AND HONOR

Please reach out!

Ryan Mielcarek, Seabee OIF Veteran, Executive Director at council@veteranrites.org

Dan Medoff, OIF/OEF Army Combat Medic, vetconnect@veteranrites.org

Echo Glen Youth, Life is tough, You are tougher

From USAF Warrior Sheila Sebron

Thank you so much, I pray for your safety. I also pray you recieve the love and help you deserve. - From a youth at Echo Glen to Veterans

To the youthful warriors at Echo Glen Children’s Center and the community that supports them,

Veteran Rites had the honor of receiving the beautiful survivor bracelets and Veterans Day cards made from the resilient hands and hearts of the young souls at Echo Glen for Veterans Day. As requested, those bracelets and well-wishes have reached the sisters, brothers, siblings, and Gold Star Families (families who’s kin paid the ultimate sacrifice) that we call family.

You all, who are currently in the deep and painful threshold of your own rite of passage took the time to plan, craft, create, and carry your messages of inspiration to a group of people that know all too well what it means to dig deep into the places that hurt, face the demons in ourselves, lose the people we love, get knocked down, and struggle to find the will to keep going some days. Like you, we fall sometimes. Like you, we knock off the dust and get back up.

Because of what we’ve been through, many of our people become casualties of war through suicide on American soil. Once we put down the uniform we are thrust back into a society that does not understand us, is afraid of us, and is rarely, if ever, bears witness to the story and truth inside of us screaming to be heard. There are some days where an hour feels like an eternity and that we will never get back home.

We ask ourselves Who Am I? What is my Purpose? Where do I belong? It’s a scary place to be, but one that makes us more resilient in the end.

Many of us come from the kinds of homes and neighborhoods like many of you are from, duct tape on our sneakers, single mothers, paycheck to paycheck, gangs, doing what we need to do in order to survive. We didn’t always have the chance to be kids, and many of us have spent some time within cold brick walls of confinement before we found a better way.

So we signed up to find some structure, training, a wild pack to run with, a better life, and the ultimate purpose in serving our country. In a melting pot of all perfect shades of humanity, ethnicities, and genders that is America, we found our faith, the best in each other, and a mission in serving others. We knew no matter what, we would not come back the same.

So when we receive a handwritten note, art, and bracelet that says “Welcome Home” in some way it punches us right in the heart. It makes us tear up. It’s a very big deal. Because the secret you see is we are innocent, playful teddy bears on the inside (But please don’t tell anybody).

We handed these bracelets out at the Auburn Veterans Day parade, the Veterans Day Seattle Kraken game, and sent them to veterans from Oregon to all the way in North Carolina, to New Orleans, and even Hawaii. To women and men who served in the conflicts of Vietnam, Iraq, Afghanistan, Panama and to the warriors that stood the watch to secure our freedom in peacetime, always at the ready to cross the line. We handed them to Gold Star Mothers and marched with them down Auburn’s Main Street proudly carrying the images of those that never landed home.

Army Veteran Lindsey Daniels and Navy Veteran Crystal Dandridge

Thank you for sharing your bracelets with our Gold Star Mother’s who helped to carry the Fallen Hero Banners at the Auburn Day Veterans Parade. Here are posters of our US Fallen Heroes that have served in the Armed Forces and made the ultimate sacrifice. These Portraits are drawn by Marine Vietnam veteran Michael Reagan. Again, thank you.

Respectfully,
Myra

(On Right) Army Veteran Jesus Carbajal and son Andrew

Vietnam Army Veteran Howard Harrison and wife Barbara

YOU INSPIRE US

At Veteran Rites, we provide the opportunity for our veterans to give meaning to their suffering so they can lay down the story that no longer serves and step into the new story that has always been waiting. Like magicians, we transform pain into progress, tears into tools, prayers into purpose. It is an epic tale of the heroine’s and hero’s journey. It is a long, challenging trial with many dark nights of the soul, and every one of them is the greatest story ever told.

YOURS IS NO DIFFERENT

We know…

There is a light in you that can never go out whatever the circumstance

There is a story of resilience in you that we all need to learn from

There is power in you bigger than you could ever imagine

There is a tenderness in you that needs to be felt

There is wisdom in your story that the world is waiting to hear

There is an artist, a comedian, an entrepreneur, a teacher, coach, and change-maker

There is a mother, father, aunt, uncle, and leader that will nurture tomorrow’s youth

There is an adventurer, scientist, athlete, poet, and dancer ready to take life’s stage

There is a wounded healer that accepts their humanity and gets better day by day

There is a gritty, humble warrior who battles for peace with fierce softness

There is forgiveness and redemption in you that is deep medicine for all

There is a hope in you through our witness to your unfolding story

We honor your whole story in truth

We know who you are in truth

You do not need to be fixed

You are whole just as you are

Just keep polishing what doesn’t rise to all that shines in you

One foot in front of the other, day by day, you will march on

And we will be waiting

Quitting is not an option

It is not our way and it is not your way

Just love as much as you can from wherever you are

We need you

We see you

We love you

To the staff and social service angels at Echo Glen, we SEE YOU too. We deeply honor all of your sacrifice to bring healing, support, and inspiration to youth. You remind us of the society we signed up to protect.

Thank You all for YOUR SERVICE,

Veterans

About Echo Glen Children's Center

Echo Glen Children’s Center in Snoqualmie is a medium/maximum security facility that is not fenced, but bordered by natural wetlands.  It provides treatment services for younger male offenders and is the only institution for female offenders.  Echo Glen provides educational services for a wide range of youth with varying needs. For more info, volunteer or mentorship opportunities.

Thank you Susan at Friends of Echo Glen and Dan Medoff of Veteran Rites for coordinating the hope exchange.

Thank you friends, Ryan Mielcarek, Seabee OIF Veteran, Veteran Rites

It Is So...Welcome Home Initiated Warriors

Welcome Home August 2021 Initiated Warriors

It is so…It was etched on a makeshift note laying its back against the earth with her arms stretched through the stars.  The sky that grinned and winked when you screamed “I am whole” and claimed “I am free.”  

It is so.. Five warriors of the spirit, four that wore the uniform, and a spouse whose war came home to her, crossed the line on Easton Ridge into the warrior’s welcome home in the wilderness.  Five of the greatest stories ever told, in the shadows of the everglades, across the sacred lands of the Lakota, within the eyes of the fallen in every corner of Global War on Terror, at the dinner table of childhood lovers, in prayerful waiting of a surgery’s success, eternal nights of waiting to pick up the 10,000lb phone, in service to sobriety one of 12 steps at a time, one day at a time, crossing the thresholds of love, loss, service, triumph, and getting up and doing it again despite the fear, the grime, and the Great Mystery of true intimacy. 

It is so..through the reflections in the dragon’s eyes you found the poetry of your innocent warrior where Sunflowers and Black Roses wrap their arms around each other.  Through the march to the threshold time solidarity beat in lockstep once again.  In the land beyond time, the valiant bucks, bears, and bones of the earth carried the tail bone medicine of your true inheritance.

It is so..By the spirit of your ancestors you cut the chords of what no longer serves the future worthy of their sacrifice.  Silence and sorrow played tug of war against grief and gratitude as the Owls whispered to the moon…Who will rise tonight? Who will dance in the grand ballroom of the unforgiven and take a bow next to the lupines? Who will talk to me?  Who will answer me in the circle of the self?  What will be lifted from the mundane to the sacred so this damn pain can break in half like a sniper’s back then tied back together in a marriage of new meaning? 

Sally Mary S. de Leon - Army Veteran, Mother of two adult children, Life Champion, Survivor, Social Entrepreneur, Artist, and Author who believes that impacting the world to be a better place starts with how we treat ourselves. Sally Mary is pursuing a life coaching path through MindValley

I am Norm. I am a Combat Veteran. I am Connected. I served for 21 years in the United States Army and recently returned “Home”. I am thankful for my community and for the chance to support my fellow Warriors return from service to live their lives with a full heart and good intentions. I am a Veteran and I am Connected to My People in a supportive community of Warriors that do incredible things every day for Their People. I am a Warrior. I am a Veteran. I am Connected. Much Love, Uncle Buck

Dmitri Quist is an Army Combat Veteran, Commercial Diver, and a Whole Spiritual Warrior

Sean McGerald is a Veteran of the Coast Guard and the Army and continues to serve Veterans and Humans suffering from substance abuse.

Sunflower (Left) is a Wild and Whole Initiated Woman, Army Combat Veteran Spouse and Mother to a Special Needs Little Warrior

It is so..as it ever was the stories sifting through the wilderness have been on watch, on point, and at the ready to rip sling load from the branches to spring into the whole of you that cannot be wounded.  They have been roaring in your ears from braces to Bootcamp within a million tiny deaths en route to the plan of the day.  You rucked, sauntered, sat, prayed, listened, grieved, wrote, laughed, screamed, and rested until the Who Am I? mission as nature could no longer be tested.  You carefully wrapped your surrender, courage, humility, and dignity across your heart and carried them gently back to your people across the threshold. 

It is so…pumas, bears, eagles, Scandanavian sirens, and even dirt warrior Canadians bore witness to all that was shed, reborn, and claimed. The shadows of a service life have been brought into the light, given form, taken shape, and renamed.  You honor yourself, your loved ones, our people that never came back, and those that never fully landed.  You heal all hopes through your healing of the land and the intentions you carry with humble, weathered, and powerful hands. 

We witness who you are in truth and wholeness. 

We witness what you are in truth and wholeness. 

We witness how you serve in truth and wholeness. 

You are the gift of ceremony… and are Initiated.

Welcome Home with Love and Honor        

Deep gratitude to the the team

Larry Hobbs - Elder Eagle Man, Veteran Rites Co-Founder, Senior Guide, Sobriety Sorcerer. Dear elder man living your essence, we are so grateful to learn and grow with you.

Susan Hatfield - The Scandinavian Siren, Elder Female Witness and Image Capturer, Sobriety Maven. We are so grateful to be held by you.

Tara Souch - Lead Female Guide, Military Spouse, Healer and Wilderness Guide. Thank you for stepping into our circle that was yours all along.

Puma - Assistant Guide, Initiate, Combat Army Veteran, Nature Coach, Do it All Blessing to us All. This ceremony would not have happened without you.

Dan the Man Medoff and Jessica Gorée (left) - Thank you for on call beans and band-aids and ongoing spiritual support.

Mitchell Brookman - Lead Veteran Guide, Initiate, Very Real “Wounded Healer” that injured his back on the land and finished like a warrior to come back and serve the people.

Ryan Mielcarek - Elder Veteran Witness captured next to a “real smile” by Uncle Buck

The Land - From all things we are blessed by you, through stewardship by Larry Hobbs, on the ancestral lands of the fourteen Confederated Tribes and Bands of the Yakama Nation. The people of the Yakama nation inhabited more than 12 million acres across Adams, Benton, Chelan, Douglas, Franklin, Grant, Kittitas, Klickitat, and Yakima Counties. The federally recognized Confederated Tribes and Bands of the Yakama Nation is made up of Klikitat, Palus, Wallawalla, Wanapam, Wenatchi, Wishram, and Yakama people. We honor those native peoples who are tied to the land through history, legends, and culture. We acknowledge their descendants who live in the world today. May we tend your stories and carry your gifts in a good way.

What Memorial Day Means to Me - SFC (Ret.) Rob Brenizer

We started out as friends, but friendship turned into brotherhood. We became brothers. So, when we went to war, we knew some of our brothers wouldn’t make it back. It stung that much more when it was someone you were particularly close to. Over my 6 combat deployments, I lost over 24 brothers in battle. Some, I would consider best friends.

SFC (Ret.) Rob Brenizer is a 6-Deployment Army Combat Veteran and Initiate of the 2020 Rite of Return Ceremony with Veteran Rites. He served 17 years with the 82nd Airborne Division, US Army Recruiting Command, 1st Armored Division, US Army Airborne School, and Fort Benning Maneuver School of Excellence. Rob was awarded the Bronze Star for Valor with 1 oak leaf cluster, Army Commendation Medal with 4 oak leaf clusters, Army Achievement Medal with 2 oak leaf clusters, Army Good Conduct Medal with 5 knots, National Defense Medal, Iraq Campaign Medal with 2 bronze stars, Afghanistan Campaign Medal with 2 bronze stars, Global War on Terrorism Medal, Expeditionary Medal, Overseas Medal, NATO Medal, Army Professional Development Medal with 3 Device, Army Service Medal. He lives in Alabama with his beautiful family.

I remember being a young boy in the late 80s, playing with my vast collection of GI Joes and watching the GI Joe cartoon every morning before school. I even had a GI Joe themed birthday party when I was probably 4 or 5. I remember my grandfather showing up in his WW2 garb, complete with carrying a .22 long rifle. I thought he was so cool, and he was! I wanted to be just like him one day and serve in the Army myself. Boyhood dreams faded away as I grew older. Sports became a big part of my life. The team aspect of playing sports helped develop my passion for a team esprit de corps. I even had a couple opportunities for small time college football, however when 9/11 hit, it’s those boyhood dreams that suddenly kicked back in. I remember everything like it was yesterday. I was a 17-year-old junior in high school, sitting in history class that morning when the teacher rolled the tv cart into the room and turned on the news. I remember seeing the second plane hit. Feelings of confusion quickly turned to feelings of anger and a need for vengeance. I remember coming home from football practice that day, and my mom was outside getting the mail. I got out of the car and told her as soon as I turned 18, I was enlisting. It’s like she already knew. There was no look of shock or disappointment on her face. So after about a year, I finally did what I said I was going to do. I went to the recruiter’s office and told him what I wanted. I remember telling him “I don’t know what it’s called, but I want to jump out of planes, and I want to fight on the ground.” He got me an Airborne Ranger Infantry contract and so that’s how I began my career. Little did I know what exactly I was getting myself into. Vengeance became my mantra in the following years. Hell, I even have the word tattooed on my chest. These days, I have found peace, but it’s always there to remind me of who I used to be and what it took to drive me to be the best Soldier I could be.

That team esprit de corps that I always found comfort in was in full effect with the Army. I was part of a group; something bigger than myself. I always appreciated brotherhood and camaraderie but never before had I experienced it like this. Over the years, I met some of the best friends I ever had; some of the best men I ever knew. But when you’re in the Infantry, you know in the back of your mind, when your unit is called and it’s time to suit up and get to work, that it’s a definite possibility that you could lose a friend, or in my case, several. You see, when we were in the states, training, it’s like practice for a football game. We would go months preparing, and then our unit would get the word and it was time for the big game. Over that time training together, living together; you develop a bond like no other. Many platoons I was in were really tight. We would go out to the bars and clubs as a group. While I was at Fort Bragg in North Carolina, on weekends, we would get into the occasional brawl with the Marines from Camp Lejeune, or frat boys from UNC. The team environment created rivalries. Army Infantry always rivals Marine Infantry, but it goes all the way to the smallest level. Units in the Army rival others like the 82nd Airborne and the 101st “Airborne”. I put that in quotations because they aren’t really Airborne. They haven’t been since WW2.

So, there’s that rivalry, but you could even take it on down further. Brigades would rival other Brigades in the same division. One time in the middle of the night, some Paratroopers with the Devil Brigade (the 504thParachute Infantry Regiment) went over to the Panther Brigade (the 505th Parachute Infantry Regiment) and spray painted their huge black panther, pink. We woke up that morning, running down Ardennes Street for PT only to see our beloved Panther painted pink! Battalions would rival other Battalions within the same Brigade. I remember in the summer of 2006; we were gearing up for a year-long deployment to Iraq. I was in 2nd Battalion of the 505th Parachute Infantry Regiment. Our barracks was right next door to 1st Battalion’s. There was always a tension between the 2 Battalions, but this one specific night, it boiled over. So, the week prior, some of the 1st Battalion Scouts jumped one of ours at a bar. The next weekend, several of the Paratroopers from the barracks; boys from Alpha Company, Bravo Company, Charlie Company, Delta Company, and our Scouts grabbed whatever they could find and marched over to 1st Battalion’s courtyard. It resembled a quad at your local university. There must have been about 50 Paratroopers standing outside their barracks, calling them out. Several of theirs came out and it became an all-out battle. Fists were flying, clubs were smashing, I even recall one kid getting decked across the face with a skateboard. It was pure mayhem. The entire MP unit assigned to the 82nd came out and had to stop it. It was probably the most intense physical fight I’ve ever been in on this side of the world. Rivalry would trickle down to the Company, Platoon, Squad, and even Team levels. Rivalry was what fueled the overflowing amounts of testosterone pouring out of the Infantry Paratrooper. But that’s where it ended. Once we were overseas, all of that bullshit was thrown to the side, and we became one again. The brotherhood, camaraderie, and team environment was ever so strong in the states, but once we were suited up and it was time to get to work in real life, it only increased.  

We started out as friends, but friendship turned into brotherhood. We became brothers. So, when we went to war, we knew some of our brothers wouldn’t make it back. It stung that much more when it was someone you were particularly close to. Over my 6 combat deployments, I lost over 24 brothers in battle. Some, I would consider best friends. Each time, it became harder than the last. I remember each instance like it just happened, but the ones that happened when I was there stick out more; like the first time I lost some buddies. It was night-time on the 15th of October 2006. We were on our way to cordon off a suspected IED. En route to the site, the first vehicle and two in front of mine struck 2 land mines. The driver, PFC Stephen Bicknell, and the gunner, SGT Lester Baroncini were KIA instantly. Bicknell was only 19, fresh out of high school and just married with a baby on the way. I had a bond with Bicknell because he was from my home state of Alabama and was the quarterback for Prattville High School. He even played Hoover in the 2004 state championship game. That baby boy must be about 14 or 15 now. What a proud son he must be. It was my 3rd deployment, but the first time I had friends die, and especially in the same Platoon.

Then there was the “Samarra 7”. I won’t go into graphic details but the second vehicle struck an IED. Without hesitation, the vehicle’s crew behind them got out and went to render aid, when a secondary IED struck that was hidden under a pile of garbage on the side of the road. It was a devastating loss, losing 7 guys in one incident. SPC Ryan Bell was among them. He was one of my best friends. My wife and I hung out with him many times in the past. He was a short and stocky troublemaker but had a big heart. Among them were also were SSG Justin Estes, SSG Robert Stanley, SGT Andrew Perkins, SPC Justin Rollins, SPC Joshua Boyd, and PFC Cory Kosters. I remember beating Estes in the Charlie Company Combatives Tournament just before we deployed. You can find an iconic picture of Stanley wading through the flooded waters of New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina. The 505 was sent down there to aid with recovery and help control the looting after the massive destruction of Katrina. I’ve had the privilege of visiting Rollins’ grave a couple of times when I went to DC. He is buried at Arlington. 

There is the intense story of SGT Joshua Morley and SPC Tracy Willis. It’s a long and grueling tale involving a sole survivor, SPC Christopher Corriveau who received the Distinguished Service Cross from the President of the United States. To make a long story short, their small kill team was in a building in downtown Samarra when a flat-bed truck of over 30 Al-Qaeda insurgents bombarded them. Again, without going into the gruesome details, Willis and Morley died defending their position. Corriveau took out close to 30 enemy combatants by himself. It is a sad but remarkable story that you can hear about if you YouTube Christopher Corriveau’s name.

There was PFC Jalfred Vaquerano who was hit by a sniper in Charkh, Afghanistan. Also in Charkh, I lost a hell of a buddy in SSG Roberto Loeza. Loeza and I were squad leaders together in the same Platoon. He was KIA after an 82mm Chinese rocket went straight through the top of our TOC. I along with my Platoon Leader had to carry him to the MEDEVAC bird. I will never forget that, but what I will remember the most are things like his guilty pleasure of watching professional wrestling and his passion for college football. He would always smack-talk me because I am a Bama fan, and he a Texas Longhorns fan. He just never could get over that whoopin’ we put on them in the 09 National Championship game.

SPC Christopher Corriveau. Lastly I’ll remember guys like SSG Marc Scialdo. Although I was not deployed with him when he passed, he was one of my best friends and such a great friend to me and my wife. We did some recruiting time together in Peachtree City, GA. He was a greasy Italian with a pinky ring; I’d always give him hell for that, but he was one of the funniest people I’ve ever known. There were many times that he made me laugh when I was having a bad day. I miss him terribly. I miss all these guys terribly. The list goes on and on, but these are just a few stories of men that gave their lives to protect our great land and way of life. 

 These men and all the men and women that have paid the ultimate sacrifice for our country are the standard for what a human being should be. In war, it’s easy to forget the politics of everything because in war you’re trying to survive, but you’re also trying to watch your brother’s back; and I think that’s ultimately what it’s all about…being there for your fellow man and woman. I used to keep up with each one of their death dates and would tend to celebrate their life on those days, but when it got to be too many, I just decided to do it all on Memorial Day.

Memorial Day is a heavy day for me. Even the week leading up to it is hard for me. About a week out, I put out my little American flags along the edge of my yard. Often, I will get a “thank you for your service”, and I appreciate that, but I have to tell them who say that to me on Memorial Day, that today is not about me. If you want to honor me, you can on Veterans Day, but today is about those that cannot be here. Today is about the ones that gave all. Today is about the ones that paid the ultimate sacrifice. May their memory always remain. Thank you to every veteran who died for us in battle, from the very beginning with the Revolutionary War all the way to the modern-day Global War on Terrorism.

You may be gone, but you’ll never be forgotten. That is what Memorial Day is all about to me.

PFC Stephen Bicknell, 19 from Prattville, AL, A Co. 2-505 Parachute Infantry Regiment, KIA 15OCT2006, Samarra, Iraq

SGT Lester Baroncini, 33 from Bakersfield, CA, A Co. 2-505 Parachute Infantry Regiment, KIA 15OCT2006, Samarra, Iraq

1LT Michael Cerrone, 24 from Clarksville, TN, A Co. 2-505 Parachute Infantry Regiment, KIA 12NOV2006, Samarra, Iraq

SPC Harry Winkler, 27 from Jacksonville, FL, A Co. 2-505 Parachute Infantry Regiment, KIA 12NOV2006, Samarra, Iraq

SPC Ryan Bell, 21 from Colville, WA, C Co. 2-505 Parachute Infantry Regiment, KIA 5MAR2007, Samarra, Iraq

SSG Justin Estes, 26 from Sims, AR, C Co. 2-505 Parachute Infantry Regiment, KIA 5MAR2007, Samarra, Iraq

PFC Cory Kosters, 19 from Woodlands, TX, C Co. 2-505 Parachute Infantry Regiment, KIA 5MAR2007, Samarra, Iraq

SGT Andrew Perkins, 27 from Northglenn, CO, C Co. 2-505 Parachute Infantry Regiment, KIA 5MAR2007, Samarra, Iraq

SPC Justin Rollins, 22 from Newport, NH, C Co. 2-505 Parachute Infantry Regiment, KIA 5MAR2007, Samarra, Iraq

SSG Robert Stanley, 27 from Spotsylvania, VA, C Co. 2-505 Parachute Infantry Regiment, KIA 5MAR2007, Samarra, Iraq

SGT Daniel Woodcock, 25 from Glenallen, AK, B Co. 2-505 Parachute Infantry Regiment, KIA 11MAR2007, Ad Dawr, Iraq

SPC Joshua Boyd, 30 from Seattle, WA, C Co. 2-505 Parachute Infantry Regiment, KIA 14MAR2007, Samarra, Iraq

SPC Greg Millard, 22 from San Diego, CA, A Co. 2-505 Parachute Infantry Regiment, KIA 26MAY2007, Samarra, Iraq

SGT Clayton Dunn, 22 from Moreno Valley, CA, A Co. 2-505 Parachute Infantry Regiment, KIA 26MAY2007, Samarra, Iraq

SPC Michael Jaurigue, 20 from Texas City, TX, A Co. 2-505 Parachute Infantry Regiment, KIA 26MAY2007, Samarra, Iraq

SPC Roberto Causor Jr, 21 from San Jose, CA, C Co. 2-505 Parachute Infantry Regiment, KIA 7JUL2007, Samarra, Iraq

SGT Joshua Morley, 22 from Boise, ID, Scouts, 2-505 Parachute Infantry Regiment, KIA 26AUG2007, Samarra, Iraq

SPC Tracy Willis, 21 from San Antonio, TX, Scouts, 2-505 Parachute Infantry Regiment, KIA 26AUG2007, Samarra, Iraq

SSG Justin Bauer, 24 from Loveland, CO, D Co. 2-505 Parachute Infantry Regiment, KIA 10JAN2009, Samarra, Iraq

SSG Sean Flannery, 29 from Wyomissing, PA, A Co. 2-502 Infantry Regiment, KIA 22NOV2010, Gotamudkha, Afghanistan

PFC Jalfred Vaquerano, 20 from Apopka, FL, C Co. 1-41 Infantry Regiment, KIA 13DEC2011, Charkh, Afghanistan

SSG Roberto Loeza, 28 from El Paso, TX, C Co. 1-41 Infantry Regiment, KIA 25MAY2012, Charkh, Afghanistan

SSG Marc Scialdo, 31 from Naples, FL, 603rd Aviation Support Batallion, KIA 11MAR2013, Kandahar, Afghanistan

SFC Sam Hairston, 35 from Houston, TX, A Co. 1-504 Parachute Infantry Regiment, KIA 12AUG2014, Ghazni, Afghanistan

My True Spirit Started to Break Through - Welcome Home April 2021 Initiates!

April 2021 Rite of Return Initiates and Guides

I came into this campsite with my spirit in a gurney, guard walls high, standing strong, just to crumble on this journey.

I don't know how it happened but my hidden wounds were seen, my true spirit started to break through and the real me started to gleam.

I was standing, I was shinning, finally victory was mine.

Then I dealt with all my demons, and I traveled back through time.

I'm unblinded and unbound like my garden grew an acre.

Yes my smile is from my heart now, I am no longer a faker.

Inside the core of me, something changed, somehow my heart got rearranged.

I'm letting go of past hurts, because I know the truth.

I finally gave myself a chance and I can say I love me too. 

- Jessica Talley -

WELCOME HOME APRIL 2021 RITE OF RETURN INITIATES!

Shari Franey, ETN, US Navy OEF/OIF Veteran

Tiffany- mom, sister, wife, free-spirt, Army veteran, Survivor!

“THE” Paulette, Navy Veteran

Robin Eckstein is an Army Veteran who served in the Iraq war and an initiate of the 2021 Rite of Return Ceremony. She lives in Portland, Oregon.

Riishaar Baker, Veteran Advocate

Aaron is a six-year US Army infantry veteran and 2021 Rite of Return initiate. He uses his medicine to build a compassionate culture that arcs towards human rights, diversity, equity, and inclusion.

Jessica Talley is a published author and a whole and celebrated woman. She is a Coast Guard veteran initiate of the 2020 Rite of Return ceremony and assistant for the April 2021 Rite of Return.

Veterans, Return to Community with Winter Circles of Return

RETURN TO SOLIDARITY..ONE CIRCLE, ONE NEIGHBORHOOD, AT AT TIME…

In the Fall of 2020, thanks to the King County Veterans, Seniors, and Human Services Levy, Veteran Rites amplified it’s online presence with grassroots, veteran-led Circles of Return that combat veteran isolation and provide a platform for our warriors to share their wisdom, talents, and spirit. This communal validation is a vital and missing piece of the warrior’s transition back into society. The unforeseen gifts of the pandemic trial resulted in lived testimony that when veteran healing, engagement, and empowerment are put back in the hands of the veterans themselves they not only know what to do, they do it better.

For three months Veterans and Civilians gathered in circle as a Vietnam Veteran combat nurse shared her incredible life story. Veteran men assembled to support each other on a path of wholeness and integrity. Aspiring writers gave form to their traumas and creative talents. A disabled Army combat veteran of Operation Iraqi Freedom convened a weekly contemplation of Victor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning. Warriors sat in silent meditation to walk a path that integrates the universal truths of Buddhism, mindfulness, and nature. In Veterans Council warriors of all experiences and identities consistently laid down their burdens with tears, smiles, and wild camaraderie. A whole community gathered in gratitude at a Vetsgiving and listened to a veteran violin premier at a Holiday Circle. Warriors walked shoulder to shoulder through the natural wonders and placed their hands on the healing horses. Some of our people returned to their veteran community for the first time, and many came back again and again.

This winter, there is a little something for the veteran body, soul, mind, and spirit, with weekly Circles of Return focused on Military Sexual Trauma, Meditation, Gardening, Writing, Breathwork, and Guerilla Gardening. These circles are all anchored around our weekly Veteran’s Council at 4pm PST that is held in simple form for anyone in our community to connect and lay down what’s on their soul.

These are warrior-led, grassroots circles honor all that we have carried and celebrate all of who we are. Most Circles of Return are open to anyone adult in the community as we bridge the divides within and among us. Please check our regularly updated events calendar to fall into circles that connect, heal, and inspire.

Please spread the word on these Circles of Return and our Rite of Return ceremonies scheduled for 2021. If you have any questions, please email council@veteranrites.org. Anyone can join our mailing list by signing up through our contact form.

Love and Honor,

Veteran Rites

To any and all women who were sexually assaulted while serving in the military including reporting and retaliation, from any time period, please come join others like you in a safe confidential Zoom group with safety protocols built-in.

Zoom Link (Registration only needed once. Once registered the facilitator will send a passcode. Please do this in advance of the meeting)

Sarah L. Blum, Retired Vietnam Veteran Nurse/Psychotherapist and author of Women Under Fire: Abuse in the Military

Claiming a peaceful and content life: using meditation, Buddhist principles and nature.

Zoom Link

The aim of this program is to provide and help develop a set of tools to claim a peaceful and content life. Zazen, or sitting meditation, will be the primary focus of the program. Additional forms of meditation such as Kinhin, or walking meditation, visualization and movement activities such as yoga will be discussed.

Retired Army Colonel and Physician Joseph P. Miller

This 45 minute "Wednesday Workshop" for veterans and garden recipients that is going to go over everything from basic gardening "how to", houseplants (care, bonsai, etc), Guerrilla Gardening, Plant Teaching for Growing Social-Emotional Skills, and a free form Q&A.

This is an opportunity for veterans and gardeners to interact and build community through growing, sharing, and supporting each other.

Please click on event for full details and focus for each gathering. This gathering precedes the Veteran Rites Weekly Veterans Council at 4pm.

Zoom Link Registration

Beau is a proud veteran of both the US Marines and US Army and is passionate about helping veterans and their families find their way home and when ready grow their community.

Welcome Home

Circle of Return Veterans Council is a rally point for anyone in the military family. In council we get to the heart of our experience by laying down all we carry and honoring all of who we are, whole warriors living our truth in a return to true belonging in society.

This space is held for any adult in the military family, including survivors of veteran suicide loss, Gold Star families, active duty, reserve, guard, dependents, and our civilian angels.  

All of you is welcomed here with love and honor.

Council Format

Welcome Home - Grounding Practice - Sharing - Closing Inspiration - Open Forum for Fellowship and Further Support

Council Protocols

Listen from the Heart -Speak from the Heart - Share Time Equally - Spontaneous and Real - Confidential

Every Wednesday at 4pm PST
Join Zoom Meeting
https://zoom.us/j/95002812399

Veteran Writes: Healing and Joy by Writing Our Truth

Zoom Link

This writing class will focus on encouraging participants to write freely.

Writing encourages healing and increases confidence and radical self-acceptance. This class will focus on engaging the imagination while revealing our thoughts and feelings on our life experiences.

Since writing can be helpful in finding personal fulfillment, this class will open up creative skills to self-reflect and heal while being supported by peers. We will write to be expressive and use it for our personal exploration. The writing activities introduced through this class will demonstrate how spontaneous expressions can help us gain compassionate perspectives towards ourselves and others.

US Navy Veteran Crystal Dandridge in her happy place.

Breath of Life

Scientific synthesis of breathing. A journalist and modern science takes on the task of delving into ancient traditions to discover how the way we breathe affects the way we feel, think, act and its impacts on overall health. The results are remarkable.

ZOOM REGISTRATION AND RSVP

Purpose

To gain a comprehensive understanding of how the way we breathe affects every aspect of our physical, mental, emotional, and psychological wellbeing; and learn to apply ancient breathing techniques to improve overall health and everyday living.  

OIF Army Veteran Mitchell Brookman

Reiki Level I - Practitioner - Free Workshop and Training for the Military Family

With US Army Veteran and Reiki Master Teacher Barbara McEntee

Reiki is a universal life force energy that, once you are attuned to it, you can channel to help others correct energy imbalances in order to achieve optimal health of body, mind, and spirit. It is a form of hands-on energy healing. Reiki always supports the highest and greatest good of both the practitioner and the person receiving the channeled energy.

This is a special offering at no cost to the military family.

Saturday, February 27th from 9am to 5pm

Click on Event for Full Details and RSVP

Warriors, Answer the Call Within

The Land is Calling for your Rite of Return in 2021

Throughout history, indigenous peoples and warfighting cultures across the globe have long recognized and practiced rites of passage and purification for returning warriors that fully honor the ruptures of the soul endured as a result of suiting up in war mode and preparing to die, including the Lakota, Maasai, Crusaders, Druids, Celts, Hebrews of the Pentateuch, Pre-Socratic Greeks, Mayans, Vikings, Romans, and Mongols, just to name a few. Despite nearly 8,000 veteran non-profits and billions of dollars on veteran health care, we are not making a dent in veteran suicide. Why are we just holding the line?

Whole Identity, Purpose, and Belonging after Military Service

Vietnam Veteran and Author, Karl Marlantes, in What It is Like to Go to War…“Killing someone without splitting oneself from the feeling that the act engenders requires an effort of supreme consciousness that, quite frankly, is beyond most humans. Killing is what warriors do for society. Yet when they return home, society doesn’t generally acknowledge that the act it asked them to do created a deep split in their psyches, or a psychological and spiritual weight most of them will stumble beneath the rest of their lives. Warriors must learn how to integrate the experience of killing, to put the pieces of their psyches back together again. For the most part, they have been left to do this on their own.”

In modern society, we have relinquished non-medicated rites of passage and purification for solutions that provide relief to “trauma” but fail to get to the heart of what veterans need to heal and grow into the fullness of their being; sacred ceremonies and rituals that offer transcendent meaning, communal validation, and visceral freedom from the weight our soul’s carry from service. A rite of passage is an all-senses alchemy of internal wisdom connecting to the source to deploy the healing powers of nature. Through this ancient remembering of self-generated ceremony and practice of wholeness, we activate the latent mysteries within to give form to invisible demons so they can be faced. When we square the shoulders of our soul up with what is buried deep within, the shadows within can be excavated, named, felt, grieved, given meaning, released, and transformed. What pained us then goes to work for us on new assignment to bring us into balance with all aspects of ourselves that have gone unfed through no fault of our own. As Richard Rohr says plainly, “we transform our pain so we do not transmit it.”

The Whole Warrior can then emerge fully nourished in body, psyche, mind, and spirit, in service to our true identity, loved ones, ancestors, and community. It is a journey of unfathomable courage, strength, and vulnerability. Every one of these journeys to the belly of the whale is the true warrior’s Rite of Return and completion of the hero’s and heroine’s journey. Every one of these stories is the greatest story ever told. It is our mission to create the conditions for this return and hold these stories with the love and honor worthy of our warrior’s sacrifice.

The Ceremony

Veteran Rites exists to provide The Rite of Return for any warrior seeking to answer the soul’s call for deep healing in the wilderness in order to lay down what longer serves and step into who you are truly called to be after military service. Separated from society, in solidarity and solitude, to cross the threshold as a Whole Warrior to “put the pieces of our psyches back together again” and answer Who Am I? What’s My Purpose? Where do I Belong? 

This ancient, cross-cultural ceremony has proven to drastically reduce the symptoms of post-traumatic stress, compassion fatigue, moral injury, and suicidal ideation by embracing the wholeness of our human experience and true nature, with continued evaluation in partnership with Mark Van Ryzin of the University of Oregon Research Institute. It is a bare-bones, universal container that deeply honors any warrior’s unique abilities, values, belief system, culture, and identity so they can do what and do what is theirs is to do and sing the songs that are theirs to sing.

The 11-day ceremony is held in the wilderness of Eastern Washington with trained veteran and non-veteran guides. Participants experience time in community with other vets, four days of solo time, fasting in the wilderness, and a marked return where their stories are shared and witnessed in a“council of elders”. This return marks the beginning of a veteran’s process of incorporating that which they have gained and learned during their time in service and explored in the context of time alone in the wilderness, so they may bring their gifts home, able to participate more fully in service of their families and their community.  Initiates will be supported throughout their incorporation year by Veteran Rites and the circle of whole warriors they are initiated with. The ceremony is not a silver bullet. It is an initiation and rebirth into your whole identity, purpose, and belonging. Learning to walk with shaky legs on your true path of wholeness, AS NATURE, is a day to day ritual and adventure of a lifetime.

I should know. I am living testimony to that truth every sunrise since arriving barefoot on the earth for my ceremony in 2017 at the invitation of Larry and Mark. A decade removed from three tours to Iraq, it was my claiming within the coulees and beneath the swallows that truly marked my soul’s transition from a life of slow suicide into healing, wholeness, and sobriety. As a Seabee who got a taste of the action but never got the worst of it, my heart never truly felt that I was worthy of having survived. I knew it, but didn’t have the feeling in my bones.

In that fast the darting swallows arrived suddenly at my most desperate lament like a flock of angels around me, and I was able to finally lay down my armor and cry. I released the anger and love I had for the world. For the terror my people above and below ground have endured. For those I’d hurt or could have. I cried for all the times I had acted out of true integrity. For the wounded kid and the snot-nosed adolescent within me. For my addictions, dependencies, and reckless nights trying to escape the pain. For the whole adult man I knew I truly was and needed to become. For all the people have not had the privilege to heal. I started to remember. I saw their faces. We smiled and had a cup of tea together with our reflections in the water.

Nearly four years later, I see what was claimed on that land and the opening of the soul’s blatter as the beginning, not the end, of my homecoming. Things did not get easier. I often stumbled and got lost in the wrong direction. I fell in and out of my true self. I had alot of growing up to do, listening to elders, and leaning into others with wild honesty. Today and all days. But I have always been able to come back to my truth and wholeness of WHO I AM and HOW I SERVE when the defecation hits the rotary oscillator. And the best part is I can’t help but see and love that wholeness in others no matter what.

The Rite of Return was my training ground to take whatever was inside of me to the land, and she always delivers. I have to do it every day as a practice and a prescription for healing, joy, focus, and awe. I need it to purify this greasy filter constantly so I can show up with a peaceful heart in service to my people. For a lucky kid that grew up in the shadows of the Las Vegas strip this was not in Ryan’s perfectly planned vision for himself.

I thank God every day that the swallows carried me to my true path. But I had to answer the call from the land and claim my seat in ceremony first.

I pray that you claim yours. For your true self and your loved ones. For all of us.

Love and Honor,

R. Mielcarek “I Am a blessed, peaceful, sober brother bear crying and dancing with his people by the river.”

Here are your opportunities to Answer the Call for renewed meaning and purpose in 2021. You can claim your seat by clicking on the events below.

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Rite of Return, April 21st to May May 1st, 2021

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Rite of Return, June 12th to June 22nd, 2021

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Rite of Return Guide Training, July 24th to August 4th, 2021

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Rite of Return for Recovery, August 24th to September 3rd, 2021

I lay down my burden and rise - Navy Veteran Steve Fronckowiak

A man in need of voice. A child in need of play. A life in need of severance. A soul in need of the land.

A man named Steve walked into the circle. Walked out onto the land. He laid down what didn’t serve him any longer and buried the items of a life that he needed to sever himself from.

His story is not unique yet the story he had to tell to get there is.

All of his life Steve felt that each of his communities and those that thought themselves mentors from childhood until he was 44 were there to suggest what they thought the right path was. From early school experiences to a military college, then on to seven years as a Surface Warfare Officer in the Navy, and finally twelve years in corporate America he never felt that he had a voice that was heard, aside from the esprit de corps he felt in the military.

When society spoke up and said it is about time he gets married, he found a partner that shared many of the same interests and that seemed, at the time, enough to build a relationship and family from. A marriage over fifteen years that in retrospect was long on enmeshment and codependency and very short on communication and true understanding on both sides. Day after day Steve and his wife looked and worked for a solution… a new job, a new location, new opportunities, and when society said the time was right…kids. Over fifteen years they struggled and put every emotional dollar they had into raising two young children. The kids thrived while the relationship shriveled and died. Happiness, Laughter, Joy…those were all emotions that were shared rarely if at all. Something was missing. Something needed to change. That change came in the form of rites of passage ceremonies in the wilderness with The School of Lost Borders and Veteran Rites.

It takes courage to serve. It takes courage to be partnered with someone who has served or is serving. When you know deep in your soul that the life you are living is no longer serving who you know yourself to be, it takes courage to find the voice and say it. Even when the voice tells you that the person you are with is not the person your soul is meant to be with. Steve’s ex-wife heard that voice and with courage heeded what it had to say. She came back from her own vision fast with School of lost borders with a story that Steve couldn’t possibly comprehend for he had yet to learn the same vocabulary of the story as it had to be told. She came back with her own truth. The truth that told her that her life was no longer serving her and had to change.

She could have left it at that. Tell what needed to be told and leave. Instead, she offered a doorway and threshold. The threshold was Veteran Rites Rite of Return, a ceremony like hers but for veterans, a connection made through Veteran Rites co-founder and elder guide Larry Hobbs. Four days with no food, little shelter, and no contact with another soul. Total severance out on land that has hosted ceremonies for thousands of years. Steve walked over that threshold and took his place in the circle. This was going to be fucking interesting.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKK the earthquake came out in a roar! It was the moment to tell the land and those in the council why he was here and what he was claiming. A lifetime of restraint, A lifetime of taking direction, A lifeline (slip) (time) of people-pleasing and doing what society and others expected or what THEY thought was the right thing. A marriage full of so much dysfunction to call it marriage was practically living irony….Steve couldn’t even speak when it was time. Trembling as he sat looking at what he had placed on the altar that morning; a wedding ring, keys, and bits of a motorcycle crash that had nearly cost him his life, he just sat there and stared and trembled. At that moment a military helicopter flew overhead (the only one anyone saw during our time there) and at that the ROAR broiled up from inside and exploded out!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

“This ends here. This life of voiceless existence ends fucking here!!! IT STAYS HERE!!! he yelled. Steve stood up, approached the altar, and took the wedding ring, the key, and bits in one hand and with the other clawed at the hard ground with the other. When the ground wouldn’t give, he opened up his knife and stabbed it into the dirt. The ring, the key, and bits were buried. He stood. He wept. He continued to tremble but the earthquake was over. Those in the circle held that space. His brothers and sisters held that space.

After that, there was no turning back. An intention was claimed and it was honored and accepted by those in the circle around him. Solo time awaited as did the ceremonial death that had to accompany it.

A circle of warriors stands together holding a rope. Each has been through hell. Each is here on the land ready to face themselves. Each promises to come back. Each of these warriors has set an intention to claim what they are there to claim. Each will go out and face the demons that guard the gifts they are seeking. Each promises to come back. Each knows that they will not be the same when they do. It’s not exactly a conscious thing yet but they know.

Day one:

Smudged in. Steve stands in the early morning light as the sun sets the valley aglow. His brothers and sister one by one leave this physical plain and leave the circle. Steve leaves to claim, to wander, to wonder, and to sever from the world and the life that is no longer serving him.

My pack is light

But my Burden is

Heavy

The crow’s wing is

In the sky above me

And in the Circle

Around me

I do not fear

Today is the day

I Lay

Down

My

Burden

And Rise

What is in your head when all of the noises of the world aren’t there to fill in the silence?

Steve had found the circle where he would truly bury his life and rise up new. That was night one. He made the circle and at dusk took his ring, key, and bits of the motorcycle to it.

From his journal day one : “ To truly sever can and does and will bring about a sense of peace. Beneath the rock circle I drew above I severed. My tokens of Titus, the kids, and our figurines were the witnesses along with the ancestors on whose land those items will now remain. Buried the ring in my own circle. Yelled. YELLED to the land to hold the emotions. Fell apart.

From his journal day two: “I am going to head to the western meadow this morning to identify who I am and remember who we are. I am going to leave the people pleaser there in a hole. “There his spirits led him to the ugly tree, “ The ugly I grew out of to survive. I may be living now but the ugly I grew through is still at the base of me. While it is there, and real, it doesn’t define me for I have grown taller and will starve [the ugly] for what it needs to survive”

From his journal day three: “Someday I will be nothing more than a momento. A memory. I better be damn sure to stop wasting my fucking time on anger, despair, fear, or worry. Every one of these fucking moments count. I need to take some of these moments for myself. I want to be the best memory for those that hold it.”

From his journal on day three: ”After not seeing anyone for a few days you start to feel a little like the last man on earth. Little Twilight Zoney.“

From his journal on day four: ”I can’t protect Alex and Sierra from the feelings and emotions they will experience. They too are whole human beings and will feel. I can speak my truth…I can teach them how to speak their own..” “Today I will ponder what it means to die and what a good death is. May my ancestors and spirits guide me.“

From his journal day four, ”I am wrecked. My body is empty, my screams are ensconced in the dirt. I got no more. I wonder if the things I saw would be there if I looked for them later? “

Morning of Day 5:

The land has held me and held. And will keep what I came to lay down in it. Both the tokens of my severance and my ceremonial ashes are laid down here. The spirits showed me what I needed to see, I hopefully heard what they had to tell me. For the spirits that held me, kept me safe, blessed me with the voices, Thank you.

I am a grounded man with a voice who speaks his TRUTH without fear.

I have kind of lost a home or feeling of it. And in some real sense have found one here on the land and with these people.

I feel like I am packing for a journey from home (land) to the world as it was created by man. I will return to this land.

This will be hard.

The easy part is over.

Steve Fronckowiak was a US Navy Surface Warfare Officer who deployed with three different commands from 1998 to 2005. After trading his uniform for the suit of corporate America he spent the next 12 years searching for the comradery and esprit d’ corps that was left behind the day he crossed the threshold from military service to civilian life. In life outside he was never able to speak his truth, display the wildness in his heart, or fill in the blanks of who he really was. He was led to the Veteran Rites of Return by his ex-wife and friend. On the Land he was able to sever from a life that wasn’t serving him any longer and claim a life of Truth, a life of Voice.  He found Home.

“I am a Grounded man with a Voice that can Speak my Truth without fear.”

Veteran Rites 

Veteran Rites initiates Veterans into Whole Identity, Purpose, and Belonging after military service so they and their loved ones can enjoy the future worthy of their sacrifice.  Through ceremonial Rites of Return in the wilderness and Circles of Return in society, we heal the veteran soul with non-medicated solutions that provide lasting freedom from the invisible wounds of military service.  

We are on the front lines of Veteran Suicide Prevention by providing a true rite of passage for warriors suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress, Moral Injury, Military Sexual Trauma, Isolation, and Suicidal Ideation. 

One Circle and One Ceremony at a time, we can prevent further casualties of war on American soil. This is the responsibility of a whole nation.  To do this, we need all hearts and hands in the movement to welcome our warriors home with Love and Honor. 

It Takes a Whole Community for a Warrior to Heal. Click Below and Stand With Us.

Combat Medic Dan Medoff - Heal Yourself and Heal the World

Danny (Wave Rider) Medoff was born and raised in Columbia, Maryland. He served as an Army medic from 2005-2013 and deployed to the hospital Green Zone in Baghdad in 2006-2007 with the 28th CSH, to Afghanistan with the 1-17 Infantry Batallion and the 2ID in 2012. He earned a Bachelor’s in philosophy from the University of Colorado and graduated from the Alexandar School of Natural Therapeutics in February of 2020. He is currently employed as a licensed massage therapist, and is passionate about ensuring that all veterans have access to as many healing modalities as possible. He is a core presence in the Veteran Rites Circle of Return and is claimed his Rite of Passage as an adult man in August 2020.

To shit or not to shit. I gotta shit.  Well, I’m out here now, no schedule to meet, no one to please, just me and my surroundings for the next few days.  I ain’t ever had such time and space to shit.  I’m gonna lift this here rock up and leave my offering there.  Look at that: the land holds it!  The land holds my shit and ain’t asking for anything or offering its thoughts on the matter.  A man could get used to a thing like this. 

That was me the first moments after dropping my water and sleeping bag at my camp - my home for the next 4 days.  No food, no other people, no electronics, no running water, no fixed shelter.  Free from such things so that I couldn’t help but to confront my shit.  I’d been holding onto shit, well, my entire life.  To the point where I’d sometimes say, fuck it, if this is what ends me, I’d rather end than feel this pain anymore.  But, I’m tired of running from or hiding from or numbing the pain.  And I’m tired of waiting for shit to happen.   

96 hours of free time to deal with my shit.  Here was my shit: I’m a shitty brother, else Josh would still be alive and Noah would be living the life he wants to live.  I was a shitty medic in the army, else I wouldn’t have fucked up like I did, he’d still have both legs. I wouldn’t have scarred those I scarred because I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing, and maybe he could have survived.  I’m a shitty son cuz I’m not living up to mom and dad’s hopes and expectations.  I’m a shitty friend cuz I disappear at times or I no-show to events without saying anything or I can’t hang out as often as I should.  I’m a shitty partner else I’d be able to provide more for her.  I’m a shitty man cuz I’ve used and objectified women.  I’m a shitty human cuz I’ve used other’s for my own ends and I’ve ignored or shouted down other’s cries for just wanting to be seen or heard or held.  I’m a shitty being on this planet cuz I’ve littered and wasted and destroyed enough of it.  I’m just shitty, or so I think.

So I danced, cried, yelled, laughed, sang, screamed, and smashed that shit out of me.  And you know something, the world around me didn’t recoil in horror, or laugh in derision, or try to cure or fix or heal me, or try to sell me something, or ignore me.  The land held; the dragonflies buzzed around from sagebrush to sagebrush; the grasshoppers hopped from blade to blade; the trees stood tall.  All saying, in their own way, “you shit, we live; you shit, we die.” 

And after 96 hours by myself letting go of shit, I returned to people (peers and elders) who held and heard and saw me as I now saw myself - a perfectly imperfect adult man.  An adult man with a philosophical mind, a compassionate spirit, a full range of emotions, and a resilient physical body that can bend or hold firm no matter the conditions of my environment.  An adult man who can love and be loved by a goddess.  

So, here we are now.  I’m grateful and lucky to be in a loving committed relationship with a beautiful, wise, and compassionate woman.  I’m back in community; back as an adult man, ready and determined to serve my community.  I am serving my community by continuing to show up, lend a hand, and hold space in the Seattle veteran community.  And coming soon, I will be offering my services to veterans and their families through my business, Ride the Wave Massage LLC. 

Thank you for being you, and remember: you can always come back to your breath and heal yourself. You can heal the world.

Love,

Danny

---

Epilogue

What Danny humbly refrained from saying in this telling of his Rite of Return story was that during his four days in solo and ‘dealing with his shit’, he held in protection a sacred walking stick that carries the signatures of the warriors from the first ‘Veterans Vision Fast’ pilot in 2017 as a true claiming of whole adulthood.

When he walked back down from the mountain he not only brought back the artifact safely, but also carried with him a bag full of thoughtfully chosen gifts from the land for all fellow veterans, guides, and assistants.

Danny at the August 2020 Rite of Return holding the lineage of Veteran Rites and the symbol his claiming.

Erle Hunter, Navy Veteran, and his walking stick from the 2017 ceremony on the land.

His thoughtfulness and blessing to us all in his time of trial is a reminder of what Veteran Rites is all about, that despite the weight our warriors carry we are never broken. We are whole and resilient, full of wisdom, talents, and generosity that the world needs for itself to be whole. That the gifts we hold for ourselves and others are often laying deep in the ‘shit’ and shadows of our souls.

Danny’s story, and the Veteran healing journeys from the land of the past and future are only possible through the communal effort of a whole community touching the gift basket in whatever way they can to welcome our warriors back with Love and Honor. Whether through donation of any size, lending talents, equipment, preparing food, or sending prayers, we all have our hands on the heavy backs of our Veterans and their loved ones. By supporting a Rite of Return, we are all co-creators in the completion of the warrior’s rite of passage to truth, identity, and belonging after military service, and beneficiaries of their story that heals all of us.

This “GivingTuesday”, we humbly ask anyone touched by Danny’s story and the stories of all courageous Veterans to put what they can in the gift basket so we can grow our ceremonies in 2021 and beyond. We are in this together, and we deeply appreciate your offering and blessing that will be carried out to the land of Eastern Washington and compassionately placed in the grateful hands of the next warrior.

Love and Honor,

Ryan Mielcarek, Seabee Veteran (OIF), Executive Director, Veteran Rites

Welcome Home August 2020 Initiates

In early August six of our nation’s warriors severed from society for nine days to claim their Rite of Return in the mountains of Eastern Washington. These courageous veterans who had served valiantly to face death every day signed up once again to land home to their true selves and ultimate purpose in a return to true belonging in society. Our warriors traveled deep within to face the hidden wounds of service and life, arriving barefoot on the earth to lay down what no longer serves and officially mark their transition from military service. By doing so, they step into a future worthy of their sacrifice and bring deep, hard-earned wisdom for us all.

Rob and Larry

A Celebrated Woman, USCG Veteran Jessica Talley

A Wise and Peaceful Elder, Col. Joseph Miller, US Army Ret.

A Grounded Man with a Voice, Steve “LT Dan” Fronckowiak

An Initiated Man of the Wilderness, US Army Medic Dan Medoff

A Statesman in Serenity, USAF Veteran James P. Connors (7 deployments)

A Loving Man of Valor, US Army Veteran Rob Brenizer (Bronze Star, 6 deployments)

We held a ceremony of return universal to all peoples and warfighting cultures since time immemorial, doing only what is ours to do. These initiates continue Mark Oravsky’s vision in bringing this rite of passage to our nation’s veterans to answer Who Am I Now? What is Mine to Do? Where do I Belong? None of this possible without the wisdom, guidance, and witnessing by elders, peers, assistants, and mother nature.

Elder Guides Silvia Talavera and Larry Hobbs

Assistant Guides Sara Benton and Brady Lyles (USMC)

Elder Witness Susan Hatfield

With a clear “I AM” shaking the earth beneath them, the warriors gathered on top of the mountain with a commitment to not let each other go back to sleep over the incorporation year. They elected an anchor initiate to serve again as a connector between them, knowing that they had changed but they were coming back to a world that had remained the same. The road will be full of curves, but they won’t be alone on the journey this time. We’ve already been down that road.

Eight pages of COVID-19 protocols, including twenty-one days of quarantine, COVID-19 testing, enhanced risk mitigation for transportation, wellness checks, food handling, and sanitation could not keep these initiates, guides, and assistants from claiming what was already true within these soldiers, airmen, marines, sailors, and coasties. Because of them more will follow in smaller ceremonies whether or not there is a vaccine in the near future.

When the time is right they will reveal their truth and share their stories, with deep gratitude for the loved ones that supported them in their journey home. Until then, may they keep remembering.

Thank you for claiming your truth Warriors

For yourself

For your loved ones

For our people that never returned

Welcome Home

From our hearts, thank you to all of our donors, supporters, partners, and initiates. Deep gratitude and humility to the Psch-wan-wap-pams (stony ground people), also known as the Kittitas band of the Yakama or Upper Yakama past and present, as well as all people that have tended this sacred land.

Photo Credits to soul man and creative John Crary. We are under your wing.

A bow to Stephen Foster, Meredith Little, and all of the School of Lost Borders family. May we continue to hold this ceremony in a good way in our way.

Big love to Larry, Silvia, Sara, Brady, Susan…and Mark,

Brother Bear

They died in my arms...

The documentary film portraying our ceremonies on the land, Veterans Journey Home: Leaving It On the Land, has impacted one of our supporters…

Dave Menicucci, is a personal trainer who lives in Redwood City, CA.  Dave has two family members, his father and a cousin, who served in the military and are interred at the Golden Gate National Cemetery in San Bruno, CA and another non-military cemetery nearby.  His dad, David Menicucci, served in battle with the Infantry during World War II in the Philippines.  His cousin, who was more like a big brother to Dave than a cousin, was Joseph Lucido, a Lance Corporal in the US Marine Corps.  Joe died in service in Vietnam at only 22 years of age, when Dave was 19 years old.

“I went to Holy Cross Cemetery and the VA Cemetery to pay my respects to my Dad and Joe.  First, I went to my Dad’s grave at Holy Cross and put a flag down to honor him.  I set up a chair under a nearby tree so I could spend some time with him.  In the hour I spent with him, I thanked my Dad for his morals and for the ethics he passed down to me.  I told him that now, as a fully-grown adult with now decades of experience, I can understand his struggles.  I told him that I have so much respect for what he went through.   My Dad served in the Army during World War II in the Philippines.  He served in battle and was awarded a Purple Heart for his wounds.  He never talked about his experiences in the war very much, and what I know about his time at war I learned from my Uncle Bruno, my Dad’s big brother.”

“According to Uncle Bruno, one night during the battle of Cebu in the Philippines, my Dad was hunkered down in a foxhole with his best friend, who was killed by sniper’s fire.  There was fighting and my Dad couldn’t move, so he stayed close by his dead friend all night long.   That night he asked God “Get me out of here, and I will never ask for much”.  And after he returned home from the war, he never did ask for a lot.  He lived a simple, quiet life in San Francisco with my Mom, me and my brother Steve.  As I said, he never did talk much to us about the war.  Uncle Bruno once told me that emotionally, my Dad died during that long, dark night in the foxhole with his friend.  I believe my Dad suffered from an enduring sadness and probably survivor’s guilt until he passed away in 1991 when he was 66 years old.”

“Seeing those beautiful Iraq and Afghanistan War veterans in Leaving It On the Land made me wonder: what if my Dad had been able to take part in such a healing ceremony like those who went out on the land with Veteran Rites?  I believe that if he had been able to do that, my Dad probably would have had a different and more fulfilling life.  But that wasn’t available to him and the World War II veterans.  I’m glad that option is available to those who serve our country today.”

“After I left my father’s grave at Holy Cross Cemetery, I went over to the VA cemetery in San Bruno to be with my Cousin Joey.  Joey and I were really close when we were growing up.  He was three years older than me, and our birthdays were one day apart.  Joey really was more like a big brother to me than anyone in my life.  He was a wonderful coach to me in athletics, and he helped set me on the path I am on to this day as a personal trainer and health care professional.  I think of him every single day.”

“Joe was drafted into military service when he was about 21 years old, divorced, and a very young father.  At the induction center in San Francisco he was persuaded to join the Marines.  Like most draftees, he was sent to serve in the war in Vietnam.  His job there was to work on medical crews on the helicopters that were sent out to collect our dead and wounded soldiers after combat.  He was killed by sniper’s fire by a Viet Cong soldier after his unit arrived at the scene of a battle where we lost men.  Joe was just 22 years old when he died, leaving behind a one-year-old son and the rest of our family.”“I set up my chair under a flag standing near Joe’s grave, and I sat with him for about an hour.  As I was just about to leave, a man approached me and asked: “Who are you here for?”  So I told him the story.”

“After listening to me, this man took his finger and pointed towards a dozen nearby gravestones, left, right and center before us.  And then he told me…

“I was their platoon leader.  I knew them when they were all 19, 20 and 21 years old.  A few of them died in my arms.”

“This man, I never got his name, went on to explain that he comes to this place every year to be with these fallen comrades.  Each year, he waits to see whoever comes so he can be with them as well.  He is 72 years old.  He told me that to this day he asks and wonders why it is they died, and why it is that he is the one who survived.

“This man must have been there all day.  He told me that two hours before I arrived, one man’s sister came to visit her departed brother, and he spent time consoling her.  After we spoke for about a half hour, we packed up our things, left the gravesites, and walked over to our cars.  In that short period of time, it was only 30 minutes, I felt such a deep connection with this man, my cousin’s platoon leader. I can only imagine the depth of the bonding that must exist amongst our veterans.”

“We both drove away.  I left that cemetery feeling tremendous gratitude to my Dad, to Cousin Joey, and to all the veterans.  Deep gratitude.”

---

Please check our events calendar for Veteran Rites and partner programming that bring our warriors home to true identity, purpose, and belonging after military service.

www.veteranrites.org/gather

Click here to learn about Veterans Journey Home: Leaving It On the Land and Warrior Films.

Falling Through the Sky - Barbara McEntee

Falling through the sky

B. McEntee/TOLRT © 2020/ 3801

I feel myself skipping across the surface of the sky,

As if I suddenly had wings to fly;

Accepting and learning about the space between;

Reflection of how my life has been.

Flying through the clouds, my head held high;

With passion and sweetness, this new body in flight;

Eyes so keen, to see this panoramic view;

Experiencing the rainbows dance in the sky so blue.

Soaring higher and higher, cutting the clouds with my tail;

Wind across my back, my spirit sets sail;

Witnessing angels grace as I travel above,

Hovering in a state of blissful abundance, trust, and love.

Whooshing and pitching through unseen drafts;

Diving and gliding, seeing god’s path;

Falling through the sky, feeling the impact of the rain;

Fighting through the thunder, ripped with soulful pain.

Screeches so loud, God, hear my plea!

Cutting a path through a stormy sea;

To continue the journey forward, the new life I have found;

Falling through the sky, talon’s finally reach ground.

Barbara (Barb) McEntee served in the US Army National Guard from 1981 to 1993, first as a generation and diesel mechanic, then as a UH-H1 Hydraulic Mechanic and Turbo Specialist, and eventually found her niche as an LPN in a Combat Support Hospital..  During her time in service Barb found solace in playing her guitar and writing poetry, to stop the experiences from taking over her thoughts.  She felt that if she could create a "different" vision for her experiences, mainly through the natural inhabitants of the Earth, she could find a "safe place" to "be", even though the reality of her experiences were excruciating and painful. 

Since her discharge in 1993, Barb continued to write poems like "Falling Through the Sky", and is currently compiling her writings into a "Chap" book for publishing.

She has also authored an academic article for the Journal of Rehabilitation, and is currently one of 4 editors in process of an academic book for professionals who are seeking to work in the Veterans Healthcare System. 

Barb has a Masters in Counseling, specializing in Rehabilitation Counseling, and Licensed Professional Clinical Counseling, along with her ordination as a woman priest with the Celtic Catholic Church USA and the order of St. Michael, based in Vancouver Washington.

She currently lives in Eastern Oregon.

Radical Self-Acceptance - Andrew Nicholls, LICSW

Andrew Nicholls is a licensed clinical social worker in Washington State who currently works in research at the VA and runs a small private practice. This is an excerpt from an upcoming book on Radical Self-Acceptance and how to actualize it in your life. He is also an artist who explores themes of radical self-acceptance, life/death/rebirth, and perfect imperfection through woodturning. You can learn more about his art at www.ajnart.com.

Radical Self-Acceptance: A Guide to Getting Out of Your Own Way on the Road to Personal Fulfillment -Andrew Nicholls, LICSW

My name is Andrew, and I am a combat veteran who served in the US Army. But, like many of you, I am more than that: I am a father,husband, social worker, artist, advocate, and musician. Most importantly though, I am me and that is enough. For many years it seemed like I let my identity as a veteran dominate my personal narrative. I didn’t know how to live in my own skin and in my own home, state side. It took many years and many failures, but eventually, I learned how to reclaim my narrative and my place in society. 

Part of that was starting to practice what is called “Radical Self-Acceptance”. It’s the crazy notion that who I am in this moment, while imperfect, is enough. To quote Dr. Marsha Linehan, the creator of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy:

“There are three parts to radical acceptance. The first part is accepting that reality is what it is. The second part is accepting that the event or situation causing you pain has a cause. The third part is accepting that life can be worth living even with painful events in it.”

My flaws and scars are part of my identity, but they don’t define my narrative. I do.

What is Radical Self-Acceptance?

Radical Self-Acceptance is a concept of self-actualization that borrows heavily from cognitive-behavioral theory, mindfulness practices, logotherapy, and dialectical behavioral therapy. It is less of a treatment modality and more of a personal philosophical orientation that assists us in navigating the difficulties of life in a constructive way. 

There are times in our lives where we look at ourselves and wonder how we ever ended up in this or that situation, why we keep making this one particular mistake over and over, why we’re not happy with ourselves or our station in life, etc. We focus on the “shoulda, woulda, coulda” of our past instead of our path forward which in turn creates a narrative for ourselves that is focused on our failures. This hindsight-focused worldview keeps us stuck in a cycle of self-fulfilling prophecies which reinforces the negative self-talk we play over and over in our minds.

Negative self-talk is an internal (and sometimes external) monologue that is rooted in feelings of sadness, anger, shame, guilt, and despair, and its only aim is to degrade the self and your sense of intrinsic value. It helps you rationalize why you “don’t deserve better”, why “you’ll never change”, why “you aren’t (or deserve to be) successful”, and on and on. It is one of the many tools we use to help spare us the difficulty of genuine engagement in growing personally, socially, and professionally. Now, you may be saying, “But how can I change if I don’t recognize my faults?” Do not confuse negative self-talk for constructive evaluation of self as the main difference is the emotion connected to the words you tell yourself. 

“Why do I always do this?” is a phrase we have all said to ourselves at one point in our lives, but has it ever helped you grow? Think about the emotions this phrase brings up for you: shame, regret, disappointment. You can feel it in your gut as you read this. THAT feeling is the difference between negative self-talk and constructive evaluation. Emotions like shame, regret, anger, guilt, etc. are normal and a healthy part of the human experience, but they are neither “good” or “bad” in and of themselves. However, when they dictate our narrative about ourselves they become deleterious to not only our mental health, but our physical health, relationships, and professional lives.

Constructive evaluation is self-talk that is aimed at helping us take stock of who we are in this exact moment, without any sort of moral judgment of “good or bad”, “right or wrong” attached. It is as devoid of emotion as possible so that we can objectively look at ourselves in relation to our goals, and make any necessary changes we need to, earnestly and without shame. Obviously, we are human and have emotions which we should be able to experience, but not at the expense of our continued growth and happiness. 

Radical Self-Acceptance is the process through which we can step back from ourselves and say,” This is who I am/what I am feeling in this moment. It is not good or bad. It just is. And for right now, that is enough.” Then when we have accepted our present reality, we can get on with the business of growing beyond it towards our goals. Radical Self-Acceptance is NOT throwing your hands up and saying “well that’s just the way I am” and trying to be happy about it. It is a framework that allows us to be human, with all our flaws and dysfunction, and value oneself while we also recognize our challenges and imperfections on our path to being the best version of ourselves we can be. 

We will find in this framework that some things we can work on improving, but other things may be out of our scope of control and that is OK. We can still develop strategies for managing how these factors out of our direct control affect us. As in life, things about us are rarely black and white so we must learn to live in the gray area. If we do not maintain this balance, then we risk sliding back into the “woulda, shoulda, coulda” cycle of negative emotions, thoughts, and actions. Radical Self-Acceptance is a positive affirmation of this balance, not a rubber stamp for continued dysfunction.

“You are enough. You matter. Your story matters. Welcome Home.”

The island of wonder has no weaknesses

I walk through a familiar alien land.
The water glows, houses grow,
there's not anything to never know.
The center of the land is the four chambered cave.
The four chambered cave is the castle of thunder.
It sits due south from the island of wonder.
The island of wonder, has all of every type of weather.
The four chambered cave is tattered and weathered,
because the Island and the cave are permanently tethered.
The tether stretches across the dark and salty sea.
The dark and salty sea has brined these sandy beaches for years,
the dark and salty sea, also called a sea of tears.
My bed is made softly in a giant purple flower
the peaceful waterfall is where I go to shower,
there is no need for weaknesses here,
because there is no need for power.

Art and Poetry of Jessica Talley, U.S. Coast Guard Veteran, Mother of 3, with ancestral lineage to Gorée Island of the the coast of Dakar, Senegal.

Juneteenth, 2020

Invoke Their Names..and Listen - Ryan Mielcarek

Memorial Day is like death

Everyone approaches it their own way…with good reason

Their way is just right for them

For me, an invitation to sit in circle…somewhere I think our sacred warriors would like to be

In the presence of things they would like to see..if given one more chance

Silence and a saddened heart for those families who have born the unbearable

Breaking open a baptism of tears

Finally…cause I fucking forgot how to feel

Invoke their names..and listen

They may want to sit with for a spell and have a beer

Be in awe of this sunset

Traverse through cedars

Throw a game of catch

Pass the butter at the dinner table

Name the shapes in the clouds

Brag about their kids

Slip in an inappropriate joke

While sharing those sea stories

Their faces are crisp and clear and smiling in wholeness

They say this is how they want us all to be

I can feel their breath

Taking in the simple pleasures of freedom

We can all be above ground if we remember

And set our table appropriately

For those that never came home

Or never fully landed

All their loved ones, but especially

The Mothers

May you all be wrapped in a cloak of

Honor

Warmth

Gentleness

Affection

Limitless Love

Every day. Every breath.

You are alive in us

Because we still need you

Ryan Mielcarek is U.S. Navy Seabee Veteran of Operation Iraqi Freedom. He spent this Memorial Day with 7 Seabees from NMCB 14 that sacrificed their lives to hostile fire on April 30th and May 2, 2004 in Al Anbar Province, Iraq.

SW2(SW) Jason Dwelley

EO3 Christopher Dickerson

BU2 Michael Anderson

EO2 Trace Dossett

CM2 Scott McHugh

BU2 Robert Jenkins

SW3 Ronald Ginther

I Love Who You Are - Vietnam Vet Sarah Blum

Sarah Blum, ARNP, Vietnam Veteran, therapist, author of Women Under Fire, Abuse in the Military. Sarah is a consistent, wise, and joyful presence in Veteran Rites Circles of Return and Path With Art Programming.

My name is Sarah and I am an 80-year-old nurse Vietnam Veteran. I served in the Army Nurse Corps for almost five years with one full tour as an operating room nurse at the 12th Evacuation Hospital in Cu Chi, Vietnam. The hospital was located on the edge of the iron triangle by the Hobo Woods where all the fighting was in 1967, the year I was there. Our hospital was the largest user of fresh blood in all of Vietnam that year. I saw the worst of what war does to our young men and I felt the impact of the war on me emotionally for years. I call it the gift that goes on giving because at my current age, I can still go back there and feel the depth of feelings.

I returned in 1968 and became the head nurses of the orthopedic ward at Madigan Army Hospital in Tacoma, WA. I learned a lot at MGH about the toll the war took on our soldiers. So many of our guys were not only wounded physically but emotionally as well. Many discovered to their dismay and shame, that they were impotent on their return. It was a psychological reaction to what they felt inside. I wanted to help in any way I could, so I asked questions of the psychologists, social workers, psychiatrists, and other doctors. No one seemed to know what to do to help them. My ward officer, Dr. Tom Travis Orthopedic Surgeon, suggested I talk to the guys with that issue and he gave up his private office on the ward so I had a private place to talk to them. I learned that I was very intuitive and was able to help the guys by listening to them and supporting them. After several sessions with them and when they felt ready, I gave them a weekend pass to go out on their own. I always suggested they simply go an enjoy themselves and not think about or plan to be sexual but allow it to develop naturally or not at all.

Sarah in Vietnam, 1968

I could tell on Monday morning when I returned to the ward if they were successful or not by the looks on their faces. Those that were successful would be lined up to greet me when I came in and of course they were all smiles. Most were, and some needed more sessions before they felt successful.

I also saw that their physical wounds were not healing the way wounds normally do and that too was because of what was going on inside them in their thoughts and feelings. It was that latter experience that pointed me toward becoming a psychotherapist. I eventually went to undergraduate school at Seattle University and then, later on, to graduate school in Psychosocial Nursing at the University of Washington. During that time, I was also struggling with my own emotions and undiagnosed PTS related to my service in Vietnam and was in therapy for five years. The therapy I went through lead me to do the same type of therapy, but to go further with it. For thirty years I worked with children and adults who were traumatized in some way doing developmental psychotherapy and trauma resolution therapy which was very effective.

All that said, I am hoping to be helpful to you, my brother and sister veterans, in this writing. Now that you know where it is coming from, I hope that will allow you to take this in for yourselves.

You are all different in what you experienced in service, yet you can relate to one another through your shared pain. When anyone of you shares your painful experiences and others are able to hear, those listening know similar feelings and circumstances. Each of you deserves to have a safe place to share what you experienced and are feeling; Veteran Rites provides that safe place.

Some of you have encountered people in your lives who told you things about yourself from their vantage point, which was not helpful. It’s possible that started when you were very young. Parents are our first mirrors. They reflect back to us who we are, but if those mirrors are not clear, you do not get an accurate picture of yourself. Think of those mirrors like the ones in the fun houses where you can stand in front of one and see a grotesque image, one that is elongated or distorted in different ways. If you had parents who did not or could not see you as you were, they may have been distorted mirrors for you. If that is true then you could not get a clear measure of yourself from them. The same is true of others in your life who could not see you as you were but rather saw you in some distorted way based on their lives and perceptions.

One of the most important things, when you are healing, is that you share yourself and your feelings with those who will be accepting of you and your feelings, rather than those who will label or judge you. Never let anyone other than you define you. You are your own authority now. As children, we are not our own authority. It is time to undo any of the damage done to you in your life up to now. 

All of the above is about the you that is your personality, your human self, or ego self. You are more than that. You are also a magnificent being or essence that is referred to as soul or consciousness. You are both human and divine. The divine you knows that you are not any of the things you have said or done that you are not proud of or any of the descriptions of you from others that are not accurate.

Your magnificence is yours and cannot be diminished by your thoughts or beliefs, but it can be unknown to you and can be hidden from others. When you are out in nature and looking at a tree or a flower, see how the tree or flower simply IS in all its glory, being what it is without resistance or embellishment. Notice the silence the essence around it, you have that as well but your mind in all its buzzing, makes it difficult to notice yours. If you learned meditation remember to take some time to meditate regularly. If you did not learn it simply find a quiet place and be comfortable sitting or lying down and focus on your breathing, in and out and keep that focus no matter what your mind does and keep coming back to the breathing. Another good focus is a flower or tree that you have seen and like. Keep the focus on that no matter where your mind goes.

Do not ever be harsh with yourself or shame yourself. Trust that you are doing the best you can and take one step at a time. Never believe anything about yourself that is not true. Find the people in your life who can be clear mirrors for you. Use the affirmations and keep using them.  You deserve to be treated with love and respect and expect that from others and yourself.

Know that all your feelings and needs are OK.   

You can be who you are and be accepted.   

You belong here.   

You do not have to be like others, you can be uniquely yourself.   

You do not have to suffer to get what you need.    

You can learn healthy ways to express your anger.

You belong here.    

You can grow and learn at your own pace.   

 I love who you are.